There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
