Ambien. No doubt about it.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
