is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
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