Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
