I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
