the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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