@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I want to be your penis for a week.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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