My nipple is on Facebook.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
