Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
