Don't make out with my wife yet
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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