Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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