I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
