the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
