Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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