Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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