The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
