Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
