I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
