I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
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