i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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