thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
