sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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