dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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