my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
