I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
3 2 1 whiskey
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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