I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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