I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
