I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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