Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
