we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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