i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
