What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
