we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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