You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
