I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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