I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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