So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
