How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
