WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
