How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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