Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
