Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
