I wish I could teleport
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
