So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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