is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
