So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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