Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
