If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
