The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
