the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
