names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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