That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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