Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
