Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
